New Helmets.

Well it's been a bit since i've posted on here. since then I found out my wife is pregnant and I'm pretty excited about that. and it has snowed over 18 inches, not too excited about that. also Matt got me a new helmet and I am excited about that. I might need an emotional sort of helmet to handle all these new stresses of winter.

come on springtime. 

shorelines

The sand and cold comfort in a late moonlight....these shorelines are all the same....they are all but the same. longing nostalgia mixed with melancholic peace. waves crash my fear in, and my worry out because I can't change the past I can only remember it. There's no resolution in this. Resolution I wish. Spent some time here almost feeling complete, still i'll leave here not so resolute. I'm done with these tears... my eyes are sore soused and teaming with weight I still couldnt escape......so naturally they yearn for lesser color. so I'll sleep, my legs will tread a short distance from the waters edge, a brief saunter straight to bed. Yeah, i'll sleep for now....but those strings will bring me back here.... bring me back to tears.

losin all these years. 

one in the same and no one to blame.

Those ozarks are cold & bitter today, same as the blood coarsin through my veins.


This season's been empy, left me wornout and dry....much like the desert one in the same.
But even this barren landscape will soon taste the rain.


Lost in the dark. 
Blind, scared, and gropin. 
Thoughts of the lightswitch got me searchin and hopin.
This darkness like madness one in the same.
But even in madness one glimpse of light feels so damn safe.


Wanderin aimless seems I've lost my way. 
With confusion inside me its hard to feel sane.
This confusion like sorrow one in the same.
But even in sorrow I know my name. 
If I heard you speak it...Well Lord, I wouldn't stray.


I can't help feelin choked up inside my mind dissaray.
When I'm down on these knees still tryin to pray.
These gravelike places, this cold hard anger, one in the same.


Reach down. Pull me out.
Lift me up from the dirt.


I can't see can't feel, not even sure if I'm hurt.


So plant these feet. 


Rest these eyes.


Empty the weight from this heart.


I'm tired again and you always say I got no one else to blame.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

Ready to sleep now. I been up writin again. It keeps me a little more balanced. I'll maybe finish it tomorrow and put it up. for whoever reads this. I miss the normal times. Takin things for granted will catch up to ya. 

Goodnight. 

Recently redundant and recent.

So Tomorrow me and the mom gonna have our own little thanksgiving chill time. Im actually pumped. I love my mom.  Other than that just being with good friends in a good state.

Here's another one for ya.

What was her name?


What was her name?  She called herself yesterday.   With an outstretched arm a clammy open hand I reached, I moved, I almost believed.....but she laughed, a mockery, a chuckle. She knew me.

It seemed fresh....not refreshing cause ya see, we've met before.  My heart like bricks and my bones like sticks.
Paused in that moment again, I remembered that old tune...

"You can't put your arm around a memory, no you can't put your arm around a memory ....so don't try yeah don't try."

I met her again. She introduced herself as relevant as today. It was convincing, but it had to be a lie. Her features.......well her features were different. Drastically different! We didn't just meet, No we spent time.

She smells sweet, but leaves a bad taste in my mouth, a taste like cheap whiskey and hand rolled cigars. She's radiant with light, with warmth, but so cold to the touch. She's shifting like clouds, as decietful as a card trick. I really thought I knew her. As soon as things were becoming fun & free they got old & frustrating......and fast.

It's your fault!!!!!!     She yells! She then hushes to a whisper, an apologetic tone begins to proclaim, "I can change, but you have to first" the hope in her voice falls just short of my worn out shoes and just shy of my tired feet.  I'm restless and still quite frustrated. even half confused. 


Under the safety of the covers I wonder where my pride comes from? Where is my head? She spoke in the darkness of my room, "I'll be here again when you wake. I'll have something new for you to address me with. I'm not yours she said. I'm not promised to you. Only when you wake, if you wake will we be together and we will have another go at this." 

Maybe its easier to sleep counting blessings instead of sheep but I can't see past it all.
Before I close my eyelids I need to know, what will I call you by?...When I wake up, if I wake up?

"All you need to know is this she stated..." "When you longingly remember who I was, I will be your yesterdays. When we speak face to face and heart to heart, I will be your today. And if you fear that I might not come or just wonder what I will be.....or even if you dream of what is possible with me.......I will be no ones. I will be tomorrow.....

Riding Arkansas. home bittersweet home.

So I rode today. It was kinda cold yet really sunny. Yesterday was super warm and then it rained. Guess thats why I keep sayin this state is so bitter sweet.  Really could use one of those meanies road trips again. Ain't nothin like ridin through the desert.

also bought a car for $500 bucks. Thanks Bill. Needed a cage for the winter.

The View

The distant view is my inspiration.

The road slowly leading away from chaos. The consistent passing of painted lines lulling one into peaceful unity with the newfound path. Always staring and never taking the first step...

There is a contrast still.

It's the state of the heart now and the state of the heart where the eyes meet the distance.

I'll soon be coming down from a freeing high only to feel chained by the search for new distances.

Like a lessened state of conviction,  my eyes will be half shut, my chest will be closed off, and I'll finally release a metastasizing sigh. 

How have I become so weary at such a young age?